Saturday, April 16, 2011

It's been a while...

How do I begin this post, when it's been so long, and I seemed to have fallen off the face of the planet? I assure you I have not indeed fallen off the planet, I just feel like I did, and it's been a struggle to come back. That sounds terribly ominous, but it isn't meant to.  I needed some time to re-evaluate my situation, and come to terms with what is realistic, and what is not, at least at this stage of my life.

My son is a constant source of joy for me, as he should be, but as all parents know, there is another side to the wonderfulness. I jokingly refer to it as "the dark side" of parenting. Literally every time I reach for fabric, he's there. He went from tromping on the foot pedal of my sewing machine, to realizing I could still sew without it, and finally unplugging my machine. Of course this gets a big reaction from Mom. He needs constant supervision as he is a destroyer, a climber, an adventurer. I for a long time have been "blaming" him for my not getting as much done as I would like.

Enter some really great epiphanies. He is only ONE year old. Not even a year and a half. He is not to blame for anything. I am. I would love to be the best "stay at home" mother ever, but after long and careful consideration, I am not. After more long pondering, I have come to the conclusion that I have been trying too hard, at everything, and feeling quite like the failure because nothing "quite" gets my full attention. (adult A.D.D., anyone??)   The house is never clean enough, the dinners not homemade enough, I don't bring in enough income, etc...

Enter a few people in my circle who tell me what I need to hear. Not that I'm a great mom, a super worker, but that I need to relax. NEED to relax. I am grieving. I am grieving the loss of a former life. The bakery, "Stefanie's Isn't It Sweet", the rewarding work, the customers, the... routine.  Sounds insane, and it did to me too, I was done with it, right?? I guess not. I name my new baby business the same name, thinking, "my name, my products, doesn't matter if it's the same name". Oh but it does. It really really does.

After mulling over decisions, (think aging wine, it takes a while for the end result to be palatable) I have indeed decided to change the name of my business. And my way of thinking. I had the best meeting with a friend who inspires me constantly. (Stop by her blog, Ballyhoogirl.blogspot.com) With my new name change, I have since moved my sewing area. I can be with P., but he can't touch my machine! I have started a blogging calender. I thought I should really only blog about my business, but have decided that if it's important to me, I'll blog about it. When I have nothing to say, (sorry, that'll be rare) I'll throw out recipes. As far as Etsy goes, I'll keep up with it as long as it suits me, but will be transitioning into more patterns, less finished product.

The most important change however is me. I take each day at a time now. If P. wants me to watch Sesame Street videos with him, I will. The girls want to go shopping, we go. I will work when I can, and I feel like the less I fight this, the more productive I will be. I am catching up with my children, and my home. (Not the yardwork, though, let's not get crazy!!)

I. Am. Happy.  :0)

Signing off as...
                                              Sweet, by Stefanie G.


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